Many people ask: where does anger come from? The answer is not as complicated as the complexities involved in managing anger.
Anger comes from our natural and instinctive desire to protect ourselves. When we get angry, we are usually responding to fear or a perceived lack of control. Anger is a basic defense mechanism and it usually shows up when we are being rejected, attacked, threatened or faced with something for which we are not prepared.
Different things trigger anger for different people. What makes you angry might not make your neighbor angry. That's because you are impacted by a different set of threats than your neighbor.
Knowing that anger is the body and the psyche's way of protecting itself will help you identify particular triggers for your own anger.
Rejection
Getting rejected is an obvious trigger for anger. If you are wondering where does anger come from, think about how you felt the last time you didn't get a job you thought you interviewed well for.
Think about a relationship that didn't work out, or a divorce or any other time that you felt excluded or left out. Feeling angry over any of those scenarios is natural. The anger can cover up other emotional responses, such as insecurity or a loss of self esteem.
Anyone would prefer to feel angry instead of unloved or undesired. When you start to feel angry after a rejection, acknowledge those feelings and immediately try to do something that makes you feel supported and loved.
Hang out with old friends, visit a parent who always has a kind word or do something you know you're good at.
Attack
Getting attacked physically will often inspire an immediate defensive reaction, as well as anger. If someone hurts you for no apparent reason, you are expected to get mad and your initial response might be to strike back.
The anger that flares up as soon as someone tries to do you harm is there for your own protection. When your physical safety is at risk, you need a little extra adrenaline to fuel your emotional response.
Even if the attack is not physical, you will feel angry. If someone attacks your idea or unfairly criticizes something you've done, you will feel angry and want to fight back. Standing up for yourself is a natural and appropriate way to express yourself.
It's a good way to respond to anger. Fighting back in excessive ways will not help you feel any better, however. Use your anger to defend yourself when you need to, but don't let that anger swell and lead you to unnecessary physical aggression.
Lack of Control
Everyone likes to feel some sort of control over their lives, so when that control is absent, anger might show up.
Something simple that you cannot control such as a canceled flight might make you mad, as will a major life event such as a serious illness in your family or the loss of a job.
Your anger might lead you to yelling, blaming others and acting out in ways that are less than productive. Since you know where the anger comes from, take a moment to step back from it and realize that getting mad is not going to give you any additional control over an already challenging situation.
There are other emotional responses you can call upon that are more positive than anger. First, try acceptance.
Acknowledge that you have been threatened or rejected. Accept that you do not have control over everything that happens to you; only over how you respond to those events.
You can choose to talk through the causes of your anger or express your anger through writing, painting, running or re-decorating your house. Find something that makes you feel better, and your anger will eventually leave you.
Now you know the answer to "where does anger come from," so it's up to you to use that knowledge. Understanding that you feel anger in order to protect yourself and defend yourself against a perceived threat will help you deal with your anger better.
You can identify what triggers your angry response and utilize all of your skills, talents and knowledge to express and release that anger in ways that will not cause further harm
Article written by Norman Holden editor and owner of http://www.AngerManagementNow.com a website about Anger Management Techniques Visit his website on a regular basis for up-to-date news and help.
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