Funny Marriage Quotes

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.
-Ogden Nash

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
-Bill Cosby

 I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
-Patrick Murray

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
-Groucho Marx

An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-Agatha Christie

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing… she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
-Henry Youngman

My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.
-Joyce Brothers

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
-Homer

My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-Rita Rudner

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.
-Ogden Nash

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
-Lord Byron

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead… get married.
-Katharine Hepburn

Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.
-Joyce Brothers

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

-George Lichtenberg